creative motherhood: diana hernandez

Originally, Diana Hernandez was on my radar because she's a super-cool mom Instagrammer with thousands of followers who happened to live in the same Midwestern city as me. However, the reason I decided to reach out to her for this series is because of a post she did about pre-natal (or antenatal) depression. Last week I shared about my experience with anxiety and depression and how medication has helped me. However, to get pregnant, I went off of my medication. That combined with pregnancy hormones sent me into a really bad place during my first trimester. It's not something people share much about because it's supposed to be such a joyous time. I felt so relieved when I read Diana's post about dealing with similar feelings during her current pregnancy.  She's since moved away from St. Louis, but I'm so happy she was able to participate in the Creative Motherhood series. I love how she's so accepting of the fact that toddler life is constantly changing and doesn't hold herself to a schedule that might not pan out. Enjoy!      ---Dacy

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your children have grown.

A: My name’s Diana Hernandez. Our little family is currently expecting baby #2 (yay)! My husband and I have a 2.5 year old boy, Kaden, and we’re thrilled to add Baby Eli to our tribe. I’m a digital influencer (aka blogger) & work straight from home. I feel immensely blessed that I have the opportunity to financially contribute to our household all while staying home with my son. Throughout these couple years I’ve discovered my writing niche and have discovered the real purpose of Mother Soul; which is to create a purpose in others. To inspire women to thrive, flourish, and live happier. As I’m growing continually in motherhood, my blog has transformed along with me.

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? 

A: I am actually satisfied with the amount of curated promotions and campaigns for brands I’m working on. Content creating is one of my best talents and I truly love what I’m doing. It’s the perfect balance.  

Q. Did choosing not to work full time affect any financial or career goals for you?

A: Back in St Louis I was working 3 “part time” jobs which felt as if I was working full time. Aside from blogging, I was St Louis Magazine’s weekly style columnist and a breastfeeding counselor at WIC. My schedule was quite hectic. Now that I’m solely focusing on digital marketing it’s nice to catch a break, while still striving to grow my business as an entrepreneur.  

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

My entire family is highly supportive of the work I do, especially my husband. He jokes around and says one day his goal is to quit his job and become my full time photographer. He’s the man behind the camera and helps out by watching over Kaden the days I’m most busy.

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

A: At the moment, I think I’ve managed to set boundaries between work and home life. At first I did struggle finding that balance between the two. I’d take on way too many tasks and end up feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, I felt that I was no longer giving my family the quality time they deserved. It took a good 6 months to a year to reflect on this problem and gradually learn how to manage my time better.  

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

A: To be completely honest, no day is ever the same around here. I do however try to get most of my work done early in the morning (before my son is up), during naptime, or after he falls asleep. Living with a toddler is unpredictable and you never know what the day has in store for you. So most of the time I play it by ear. I keep my agenda and schedule on hand to make sure I get my tasks completed before due dates.

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

A: NOTES NOTES NOTES. I’m not always near my planner, but most of the time my phone is right next to me. I jot the idea down in my notes section and when I have some free I make sure to brainstorm a little more and plan out the process to execute the idea.  

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms trying to do all the things?

A: Take it slow. I’m a firm believer in simplicity and minimizing your daily to do tasks. I wouldn’t try to do everything at once because let’s face it, #MOMLIFE is cray. We’ll only drive ourselves nuts doing it all at once. It’s definitely feasible, but I’d rather be at peace and only take on certain amounts of work per week. If you don’t use a planner/agenda, buy one. It saved my life! When I personally feel more organized I thrive more in my environment. You shouldn’t be afraid to simplify, after all, there is more happiness in doing less. As long as you keep productivity going and don’t become stagnant, you will be just fine!

Thanks so much, Diana! Keep up with Diana on her blog and Instagram. 

See the other posts in the Creative Motherhood series here. 

creative motherhood: jenny gordy

If I had to guess, I'd say I've probably followed Jenny Gordy for about 12 years. When I first discovered her, she was designing women's clothes. I loved her style and I also related to her because she seemed to move often, as I did (hello being in your 20's). She always seemed like a real human person, not a "blogger" or "designer" - does that make sense? To be clear, that's meant as a compliment ;) In any case, when I reached out to her about the series, she said it was something she thought about a lot and felt it was "important to connect with other moms in a real way that makes us feel not so alone in our messiness and frustration." I loved how much gratitude she expresses and am impressed by how much she gets done! 

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your child has grown.

Hi, I'm Jenny Gordy, and I live with my husband Joe and our 3 1/2 year old daughter Iris in Portland, OR.  My work is designing knitting and sewing patterns for my company Wiksten.  I've worked for myself for the past ten years and love the flexibility of it.  My work ebbs and flows, meaning sometimes I'm really busy with work and sometimes not as much, depending on what I've scheduled for myself or what opportunities are coming in.

During the first couple of years with Iris I was able to slow down and not put out any new work but still get paid for continuing to sell the patterns I'd designed previously.  Iris has been my muse from the beginning, and when she came along I shifted away from women's styles and started focusing more on children's clothing.  There were so many things I wanted to make for Iris that I couldn't find patterns for, so I created my own.  I get so bored if I don't stretch myself and try new things, so that has been a great learning experience and one that's helped keep me interested in my career.  Now that Iris is getting older I've started working on some women's designs again too and taking on more freelance work.  My freelance work involves designing projects for yarn companies, books, magazines, and websites.

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? How do you manage those conflicted feelings?

Right now my company is just me, and unfortunately running things means not having time to do as much design as I'd like.  I experience conflicting feelings of frustration and gratitude at the same time.  There's no such thing as a perfect job where you get to do everything you want 100% of the time, and I remind myself to have some perspective.  Every day I feel so grateful that I get to do the work that I do.  As hard as I work, I still can't believe that I get paid to do this!  Whenever I feel discontent, I try to be proactive and brainstorm ways that I can change things for the better.  For instance, right now seems like a good time to hire an employee to help out so that I can have both more design time and more free time.

Q. Did choosing not to work a traditional full time job affect any financial or career goals for you?

Iris was home with me for the first 4 months after which we started her in part time daycare.  Having a baby forced me to let go of my career a little bit, and my income certainly dropped from not publishing many new patterns during that time.  We got by just fine but didn't have any spending money.  I'm very passionate about work and in fact tend toward workaholism, so taking a step back and letting other things into my life was very healthy and helped me grow as a person.  After about a year and a half of that I started getting excited about work again, and we transitioned Iris to full-time daycare.  

While we pay for the full-time childcare, sometimes we use all of those hours and sometimes we don't.  Most of the time I try to keep Iris home from school at least once a week to do fun stuff, and if I have work to finish I'll just do it after she goes to bed.  At times when I'm doing freelance work in addition to work for Wiksten, I need all of those childcare hours.  Doing freelance can be stressful because I have to work within someone else's timeline, and I find it's never enough time.  Not only do I end up staying up late and exhausting myself, but I feel guilty for not spending as much time with Iris.  My exhaustion and stress seem to cause acting out on both of our parts.  I've recently decided to stop complicating my life and just say no to freelance opportunities.  I'm not sure how that's going to affect my career, but I already know it will be positive for my relationships with my family.

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

We have Iris in a wonderful preschool that she loves, and her favorite teacher babysits sometimes for date night.  The fact that we live far from our families and have only lived in Portland for a year makes it somewhat difficult.  However I've made some mom friends here, and while the friendships are still new they're very dear.  I have a few friends that swap babysitting with me and a group of moms I can hang with.  Joe works long, unpredictable hours, so spending time with my mom friends and our kids makes me feel less alone in this parenting business.  

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

Totally!  My work space is very close to the house, in our backyard in a converted garage, which is both a convenience and a distraction.  My daughter loves fashion design and always wants to come out to my studio to explore and tinker with my craft supplies.  Since she seems to relish being involved in my work, I've given her a role in it by having her try on garments for fit and model for photos.  I'm not going to lie-- I love it.  I think experiencing me being empowered by my work is a good example for her, and it makes me happy to see her inspired and participating.  However you should know it's not all roses.  One time she actually stomped on a dress I designed because she hated it so much!  At the time it was a little traumatic, but now I think it's hilarious.

I do worry that it would be healthier to have more separation, but I'm not so great keeping things separate. I love both my family and my work, and it's all sort of intertwined.  I think you can see that in my Instagram feed, which is something that bothers me.  I want to protect my family's privacy, and I sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.  Another thing that bothers me is that sometimes I have a hard time leaving work behind and being present with my family, but I'm working on it.

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

6:30-9:30 AM  
Joe brings me coffee in bed (bless him), after which I snooze a bit and then drink my coffee cold while scrolling through Instagram.  Iris wakes up and drags me out of bed so we can get dressed/eat breakfast/play.  I try to use that precious but brief morning time to connect with her and just be silly together.  I drive her to preschool, and when I get home I make the bed and do the morning dishes, unless I'm really inspired by work and put it off.  

9:30-4:30 PM
This is when I work, answering emails, packing/shipping orders, doing social media, writing blog posts, writing instructions, taking photos, drafting patterns, sewing, illustrating patterns, and designing.  Some days I run errands or have meetings as well.  To stay sane I go to yoga and therapy once a week during my work hours, which is such a luxury.  

4:30-8:30 PM
If Joe is picking Iris up I usually try to cook a Blue Apron meal (because I don't have a whole lot of time for grocery shopping or meal planning), but if I'm picking her up I'll order takeout.  When everyone's home, we eat and then goof around-- picking blueberries in the yard or dancing to records.  Joe and I try to divide up nighttime duties and Iris's bedtime routine evenly, and we take turns.  One night he'll do the dishes, while I do Iris's bath, then the next night we'll switch, etc.  

8:30-10:30PM
After Iris is in bed for the night (not that she always stays put, ugh), Joe goes running while I make Iris's lunch and take a shower.  The sad thing is how little adult time we have alone together at the end of all the things that need doing.  I wish we had more!  After 30 minutes to an hour of hanging out we collapse into bed.  Sometimes I work late.  We each make it a priority to get out of the house separately one night a week to hang out with friends.

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

That doesn't usually happen because I need quiet to have ideas!  On the rare occasion that I do, I'll talk to Iris about it because she's usually interested and has lots of opinions.

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms trying to do all the things?

I like that the question says "encouragement" and not advice, because I definitely don't have it all figured out.  I'm often a mess.  I think anyone who does ALL of the things WILL be a little bit of a mess.  Balancing a bunch of things is never going to feel peaceful and easy, and I try to remember not to expect it to.  Because we're used to seeing images of beauty and perfection on social media, we're tricked into thinking that everyone else is doing it better than we are.  That's just not true.  We're all in the same boat.  We all have something we don't photograph, whether it be a messy room, ugly carpet, marriage problems, depression, etc.  We're all a little bit of a mess underneath, and to me that's normal and okay.  I would encourage myself and others to strive to keep priorities front and center and say no when needed, but to stop beating ourselves up over not doing everything perfectly.

Thanks, Jenny! Find Jenny's work at Wiksten and follow her on Instagram. Photos by Shay Carlson.

See the other posts in the Creative Motherhood series here. 

creative motherhood: brandy wells

I only recently discovered Brandy and her beautiful family on Instagram while exploring the “consciousparenting” hashtag. I love (and maybe am a little jealous of!) her calm and confident approach to parenting and life. She clearly enjoys her work but is present with her family as well, and shares more about her parenting philosophy on her blog, My Motherhood Magic. I love her security in the fact that we as mothers are enough as we are. -Dacy

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work and creative work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your children have grown.

My name is Brandy Wells. I am an independent licensed social worker and mother to two little Queens Kennedy, 10, and Karter, 3, who I share with my amazing husband Maurice. I work with children ages 4-19 with a diverse selection of mental health diagnoses. I would say my creative work is my mental health/parenting blog where I share information regarding early childhood mental health as well as how it interjects with my own family.

My works has evolved substantially since having children of my own because I truly have first hand experience of the importance of maternal mental health and raising mentally healthy children. Which is why in my platform I use my children to say: no matter how you raise your children, let's raise them strong together!

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? How do you manage those conflicted feelings?

There are times I struggle with balance. Sometimes I feel I'm giving too much of myself to my children or too much to my creative outlet. What I have told myself recently that whatever it is I'm doing, I am doing enough, and I am enough. So if I’m not doing work but laughing and educating my children, I am enough in that moment and vice versa.

Q. Do you work full time? Does choosing to focus on motherhood affect any financial or career goals for you?

I currently work in a school system which allows for a lot of flexibility. I get summers and all holiday breaks off. I think this was perfect for me because it made it easy to separate time for both. I told myself I could never go back to a 12 month schedule. My kids get to have me be present, as well as career focused. It also allows for a 12 month salary. To say I'm blessed is an understatement.

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

Village is everything to me. Of course I have my immediate family, my mother in particular who has played a vital role in helping and guiding me in raising my children. I have recently taken my girls on small road trips to engage with some of my best friends so they know love exists outside of family. But my village extends to teachers, neighbors, coaches, people who play any role in my or my daughters’ lives.

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

I don't. I did. When I did, I wouldn't give myself boundaries, breaks, and permission. Now that I have grown as a mother I am purposeful about my time and how I spend it. I can literally feel my body saying: okay this is enough it's time to stop and go to something else. Listen to your mind and body. If that feeling is telling you to go to something else, go. Don't be bogged down by the thought that the hustle has to be all day and night. There is beauty in the art of nothing.

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

At work I am therapist Wells. I am talking to kids individually, helping families with resources, and advocating for mental health rights in the classroom. But as soon as I'm off, I'm off and I am Kennedy and Karter's mom and Maurice's wife. I play a lot, cook, do bedtime, etc., and once the kids go to sleep I write a blog piece or two. The rest is time for my husband. That schedule works for me and I don't like to vary.

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

I am note writer. All my inspiration comes from my own children or the children I'm working with. So when I get a thought or topic I simply write a few notes to have for later. Again I don't allow it to shift where my heart is. If I'm playing with my children that means it's their time, and that's what's needed for them in that moment. So I stay right there, everything else is secondary. If I'm working and my kids need me or a student is in crisis, I'll always attend to that, it's always a priority.

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms trying to do all the things?

Just a reminder to remember that you are enough. Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit. We compare and compete and we forget that God purposely gave us our role and was intentional.

I'll leave you with this:

“’Perfect’ is simply not relevant, whatever that would mean in regard to parenting. What is important is that we be authentic, and that we honor our children and ourselves as best we can, and that our intention be to, at the very least, do no harm. To me, it feels like all the work is in the attending, in the quality of the attention I bring to each moment, and in my commitment to live and to parent as consciously as possible.” Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

Don't you all just feel better now?! :) I'll be coming back to this post any time I need a little reassurance that I'm doing what I need to be doing. Follow Brandy on Instagram and check out her blog. 

See all the creative motherhood posts here. 

creative motherhood: erin loechner

Imagine my delight when Erin Loechner, queen of slow living, agreed to participate in this series. If only I had re-read this post before my recent meltdown over being overscheduled, it would have saved me some grief! I began following Erin years and years ago on her blog Design for Mankind. I always appreciated her aesthetic sensibility, but more than that, loved that it seemed she was striving for simplicity in her daily life. In 2012, she changed the game with a blog post called "The Rebirth of Slow Blogging" (essentially, blogging when you have something to say, instead of what your schedule says). Her book published earlier this year, Chasing Slow, is a must-read if you have ever tried and failed to simplify [*raises hand*]. Along the way, she's had two kids, and here's how she manages it all.   -Dacy

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your children have grown.

Hi! I'm Erin Loechner, and I live in the Midwest with my husband, Ken, and two kids (my daughter Bee is 4; my son Scout is almost 1). I'm an author and blogger (for 12 years now!), and truly, my work has evolved many, many times in the past decade plus. My kids are still young and underfoot, so they're my first priority, and I've found them to be such a positive catalyst for the evolution of my work. When you suddenly begin valuing your time - truly valuing it - you gain laser focus on the things that matter. I've learned to accomplish more in less time simply by dropping the many things that are "expected" for my job, but no longer feel aligned with my values (here's looking at you, Instagram Stories!).

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? How do you manage those conflicted feelings?

Oh, I'd love to do more creative work, but I also know how beneficial those limitations and restrictions on time can be. Training myself to work when I have the time available (rather than when I feel like it), has honed my craft immensely. You learn very quickly that writer's block is a real thing, yes, but is nothing to fear. You commit to writing something (anything!) down anyway.

Q. Did choosing not to work full time affect any financial or career goals for you?

For us, choosing not to work full time was the goal. We started a family later in life knowing we'd want a solid foundation on all fronts, including career and financial stability. We never wanted to be in a position where our life was 100% fueled by and centered around work, especially given the incredible responsibility, energy and time parenthood calls for. Yes, it takes sacrifice elsewhere (we're no longer climbing corporate ladders, that's for sure!), but for us, the trade-off has been a no-brainer.

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

So much help! My husband and I both work from home and have flexible (albeit opposite!) schedules, so together, we're a pretty solid partnership. And my mother-in-law is two doors down, popping in often to take Bee on field trips to the hardware store, or inviting her over for a history channel sleepover. ;) A large reason we love living in the MIdwest is that we're surrounded by a strong, secure home team and deep family roots. We're very lucky.

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

You know, I'm a big fan of compartmentalization, so my lines don't blur often. I work very early in the morning, and when my kids wake up, the laptop is shut and the phone goes into a drawer. It's just home life from there!

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

You're going to laugh, but I wake at 2am to work, write, read and enjoy some peace before the kids wake for the day. I LOVE this time, so it doesn't feel like a chore for me to wake that early (and don't worry - I'm in bed by 7pm each night!). Once the kids are awake, we have school and play at home in the morning (reading lessons, tower building, art, etc) and we generally get out in the afternoons for trips to the grocery/library/playdate/park. It's a beautiful rhythm that works fairly well for us right now, but Ken and I are often switching it up to ensure we're both getting a bit of time for ourselves, too.

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

Sometimes, I'll dig my phone out of the drawer and email it to myself, only to find later the idea has lost its luster and I delete it. Par for the course! :)

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms trying to do all the things?

Busyness isn't inherently destructive, but busyness for the sake of busyness (out of distraction or avoidance) is. If you're feeling constantly overwhelmed and overscheduled, it sounds like you might need to shift your focus to the end goal. What do you feel will be important to you in 25 years? 50? Work from that place. List the resources available to you, then list your priorities and values. The "things" you should be doing will be at the intersection of those two lists, and for this particular season, everything else must go. Be ruthless in this edit.

Photos by Ken Loechner. Find Erin on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook. 

creative motherhood: andrea

In recent years, Andrea Hartman's blog, Seasons and Salt, has become one of my favorites. I love her minimalist style and real life wardrobe. She actually lives, walks, and mothers in the clothes she blogs about, instead of just putting together pretty but unrealistic outfits for a blogger photo shoot. She focuses on ethical fashion, but in an approachable way. Andrea has three kids and runs a really active blog, so I was curious about how she manages it all. Enjoy.  --Dacy

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your children have gotten older.

Hello! I’m Andrea, and I run and write the blog Seasons + Salt, which is about simple, conscious style. I’m from Oregon, and our family of five recently moved to Portland. We love it here!

My kids are 3, 5 and 7 and only one of them is in school full time (for another week at least). When they were younger, I was able to work during that precious afternoon nap and frequently after they had gone to bed for the night. Now that no one in our household naps any longer, I feel like I scramble a bit more to find the time to work. I had a friend watch my kids one day a week for a few months, and that was a tremendous help. Lately, I’ve let them watch an hour or two of TV, and that’s when I try to grab my work time. And then, of course, lots of late nights. This is not ideal for me, but it’s the best way I make things work for now. In the fall I’ll have two in school full time and my littlest in school part time. I’m hoping for a major work-life balance shift when that time comes.

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? How do you manage those conflicted feelings?

I definitely wish I could do more creative work. Every once in awhile I’ll see opportunities that seem like a great fit, but I realize it’s just not practical for me to be away from my family for so many hours of the week.

Those feelings are hard. I want to have success and achieve goals, but I also want to have a peaceful household. The busier I am the more hectic everyone else’s lives become. As a mom I feel like it’s really hard to have your cake and eat it too. If I were to work 40 hours a week, who would help my daughter with her homework? Who would be kissing my three-year-old’s knee when he scrapes it up playing? Who would play with them all summer? Though my reasons for not having a traditional 40 hour work week come in the form of three beautiful children, I still have the desire to do more creative work. I manage my conflicted feelings with the reality check of where life currently sits (as the parent of three young ones), and I remember that this time that my children are living at home is going by quickly.

While my children are young, I hope the work I am doing now is laying groundwork for what’s to come professionally when I have more time and they need me less.

Q. Did choosing not to work full time affect any financial or career goals for you?

I am one of those odd birds who always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I was a standout student in high school, and I graduated from college in less than four years, but I knew when the time came, I wanted to be at home with my children. But that desire doesn’t make staying at home/working from home any easier. It is harder than I anticipated to be out of the professional world. I miss having coworkers and being recognized for doing good work. I think in some regard that is why I started my blog. I needed an outlet for my skills and creative passions.

Financially it would be much easier to live in this expensive city with two full-time incomes, but that would come at the price of my time. I am very thankful to run a blog that allows me to stay at home, but also contribute to household expenses.

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

So many wonderful people! I can’t tell you how many times my friend has picked my daughter up from school with her daughter (they are in the same class) and taken her home for a playdate, especially in times I’ve been busy or tied up. My husband and I are also very thankful to have both sets of our parents living in Oregon, just a short car drive away. They are quick to take the kids for a weekend when my husband and I need some time together.

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

Yes! Sometimes it is hard to stop working when you live in your workspace. I try to designate times for working, and limit my work to mostly those windows. But it takes a lot of restraint and discipline. This is a big area of struggle for me and I don’t have a good answer.

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

It depends on the day and the editorial calendar for my blog, but most days involve errands/groceries/school pickup. I try to work for an hour or two in the morning, answering emails, replying to comments. If I am on deadline for a blog post, my husband will often take over bedtime duty for me so I can get writing right after dinner. Sometimes I work until 11pm at night. This probably happens about two days per week. I am so thankful to have a partner who takes on extra housework and parenting, without complaint, so I can spend time working. His support is invaluable.

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

This seems to happen to me a lot when I’m driving! I will use the dictation feature on my phone to take a note.

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms trying to do all the things?

Don’t give up on your dreams, they are so valuable! Don’t give up on quality time with your family, it can often refill your ‘cup.’ Keep wrestling through to find the best of both worlds, and know when to say ‘no.’

Thanks, Andrea!

Keep up with Andrea on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest. 

creative motherhood series introduction

Basically from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was curious (anxious) about how I would combine motherhood with work. I wrote this post over a year ago, and unfortunately, other than our childcare situation (more about that below), not much has changed. I’m still overwhelmed and I still haven’t hit on a routine that feels right. I’ve felt a constant tension between my desire to develop my business and creative endeavors and my desire to live a slow life spending the majority of my time with my son.

Earlier this year, I came across this series in the Atlantic, which was fascinating. If you can save it to your reading list, it’s worth coming back to when you have some time. We know all moms have their struggles, but what was interesting to me was that the moms who chose to focus on one aspect of life (either high-powered work OR mothering) seemed to have a little easier time. They’re not putting as much pressure on themselves to excel in both areas.

The writers, Hana Schank and Elizabeth Wallace, call the other group of moms the “scale-backers”. “Instead, the women still chasing the having-it-all dream are the group we’re calling the Scale Backers—13 women who dialed down high-powered careers to simultaneously be full-time mothers and workers. And in the process of downsizing, they became, ironically, the most stressed-out of our subjects, attempting to do everything well, but feeling like they excelled at none of it.”

The frustrating thing is that if we don’t choose the high-powered work path, as women, we will fall behind in some way. It’s impossible not to. The demands of young children are such that it sometimes takes everything we have just to get through the day. If you completely opt out of work (outside of the home), you leave ideas and creative paths unexplored. It feels like there’s no way to win.

I feel strongly that this conflict doesn’t get talked about enough. So much so that I thought I’d ask a bunch of other mothers how they handle it. When we hear of someone else going through similar struggles, it makes us feel like we’re not alone. I’ll be posting these women’s stories throughout the summer in a new series on my blog called creative motherhood. Creative in the sense that we're creating something, but also in that we have to get creative with how we make it happen. 

My intention with this series is not to give advice, since we're all constantly trying to figure it out, but to acknowledge the struggle that we all share. I focused on moms who seem to have similar work situations to mine, fitting in part-time work around mostly full time childcaring. Please know that I am fully aware that women who are working full-time or childcaring full-time have just as many struggles.

I prepared a list of questions for all the women who are participating, and I thought it’d be fair for me to start this series with my answers.  

Q: Introduce yourself, your family, the work (aside from mothering) you currently do, and how that work has evolved as your children have gotten older.

 My name is Dacy and I am married to Dave and we have a 3-year-old son. I started my business, mindful closet, around the time that I got pregnant, and the amount of work over that time has fluctuated wildly. In addition to actually working one-on-one with clients, I am creating an ecourse due out in Fall 2017 called Making Space. I shop online for clients, create lookbooks, maintain a blog and two active social media channels, create content for social media, deal with scheduling and communicating with new clients, handle my accounting, meet with potential partners, coordinate events….I’m sure there’s more….

For the first year after my son was born, I was still building my business and only worked with clients a few times a month. The second year of his life got much busier and I would schedule clients when my husband could watch my son (we both have irregular schedules) or when I could get a sitter.  We were constantly trading off, and I also never got any time to myself or to work “on the business” instead of “in the business”. Because we were getting worn down, we decided to put my son in full time daycare/preschool when he turned two. Those were an interesting few months because while I was getting to work on business and with 4-5 clients every week, my son wasn’t adjusting well and that caused other stresses. It was clear after a while it wasn’t a good fit and I would have rather kept him home than work, although it was a hard decision because I love what I do so much. We tried fewer days a week, with no better results, and a few months ago, we took him completely out of school, and he’s home with me.

Q. Do you wish you could do more or less creative work? How do you manage those conflicted feelings?

I do wish I could do more creative work, but I also don’t want to spend any less time with my son. It’s a weird place to be in, wanting to do both things but only having the physical time for one and a little of another. I’ve been trying to remind myself that this is a season of my life and my only chance to spend so much time with him. There will be more time for business later, but it doesn’t stop the ideas from flowing or the desire to work on them.

Q. Did choosing not to work full time affect any financial or career goals for you?

Definitely. Part of our discussion in choosing whether to try to have a child or not involved this decision. We knew that it would mean less earning power for me. I feel pressure (from myself, not my husband) to contribute more to our family financial goals. We’d like to retire early, and if I worked more, we could get there sooner. As far as career goals go, sustaining my business through these early childhood years is my goal, and I have fears that if I don’t work on it hard enough right now, it might not succeed. I also have a lot of anxiety about falling behind some imaginary competition.  

Q. What kind of a “village” or help do you have around you?

This has been a tough one for us. When my son was in preschool, I didn't even know who to put as an emergency contact. My family is in Alabama and my husband’s is in New York. We rely completely on babysitters, whose own lives are always shifting and changing and aren’t always available. We’ve recently begun to feel close with some of our neighbors, who’ve offered their help if we ever have an emergency childcare situation, and that helps. I also have some great mom friends who I’m sure would be happy to help (and have helped!) in a pinch, but asking is always hard for me. I’m trying to get better at this, because I would offer my help in a heartbeat, and we all can benefit from that willingness.

My husband is a huge help. For one thing, I wouldn’t have the options to do the kind of work I do if it weren’t for him. When I do get pockets of time to work, it’s because of him. He also shares equally in the housework so that I’m not tasked with all of that. I am constantly grateful that I have such an amazing partner in life and parenting.

Q. Do you feel as though your work and home life lines are blurred? How do you handle that challenge?

Very much so. Now that my son is 3, there are little pockets of 20-30 minutes where he’ll entertain himself, which is so new and great. Then I have to decide, which thing should I do first? Not only that, but it’s like a ticking time bomb and you don’t know how long you’ll have to work. I can’t really turn work off, since part of my work is communicating and building community on social media.

I dream of setting regular hours for all my tasks (for example, emails only between the hours of 6-7, etc.), but every day is different and requires different things at different times for both work and family. I have learned enough that setting an unrealistic goal or schedule will only stress me out more, so I’m trying to appreciate the pockets of time when I get them and not expect much more.

Q. What’s a typical day like and when do you actually get your work done?

At the moment, I work with clients 2 afternoons a week (usually covered by my husband), try to work on my business one morning a week (usually have a babysitter for that one), and also do things like social media and blogging before he wakes and after he goes to bed. Throughout each day, I’m also replying to emails and social media. I would love to compartmentalize all of this more, but I’m realizing that the only way I can shut off the work thoughts is if I have a specific time in the future when I know I’ll be able to get to it (i.e. “I can worry about that at 2pm when I know I’ll have an hour free”). I need to work on that. Having said that, I never plan to do anything during naptime because I need that time to recharge after handling a toddler all day!

My actual day looks something like:
6-7 email, social media, etc.
7-1 with kid
1-3 naptime, sometimes rest, sometimes work, sometimes with a client
4-5 tv time, prepare dinner, check social media, etc.
5-8 kid time
8-9 work time
9-ideally, get in bed, hope to be asleep by 10 or 11, sometimes still working

Q. What do you do when creative ideas hit you and you’re in the middle of mothering?

Try and write it down somewhere! I keep my laptop on the kitchen counter and sometimes I’m able to do it there, or on my phone, or in my bullet journal.  

Q. Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms juggling all the things?

I am constantly reminded how intensive this part of parenting is. I know parenting is hard at all stages of your child’s life, but in this baby/toddler phase, it’s so all-encompassing. I try to remember it won’t always be this way.

the good stuff!! photo by celeste boyer

Please, please chime in with your thoughts. Is this something you think about? 

Check back next Thursday, when I talk to Andrea from one of my favorite blogs, Seasons and Salt. 

Update: new posts in the series by Andrea Hartman and Erin Loechner, and all the posts in this series here.