How can I care about how I feel when I get dressed and still not be participating in a patriarchal system?
While many of my clients are women who’ve been conditioned to believe that they need to make a lot of effort when it comes to getting dressed, wear heels, wear what’s flattering - there is another group that’s been made to feel like it’s anti-feminist to care. This is the group I fall into.
When I was growing up, my parents were awesome radical activist-type people who believed that any effort put into your appearance (or interior design, or anything aesthetic) was a waste of time that you could be using doing something that helped other people. Consequently, I felt a lot of shame for my natural interest in clothes and getting dressed. In fact, I’m sure I would have gone into the fashion industry right out of high school instead of waiting until my mid-30’s if it had been acceptable to them.
Over time, I came to understand that having fun and experimenting with my clothes was a creative outlet for me. I also started to notice that when I was happy with my outfit, I’d have more energy to give to causes I believed in. When I didn’t feel good in my clothes, it affected my whole day. As someone who already struggles with depression and anxiety, I don’t need anything else to worry about.
Others are exactly the opposite. Clothes are not fun, not a creative outlet, and they just want to set it and forget it.
So back to that initial question - how do you care about clothes without buying into the patriarchal and white supremacist beauty standards that keep women occupied and oppressed? For me, it’s about examining everything I buy or wear and being honest with myself about why I want to buy or wear it.
Do I want that dress because it’s going to make me look attractive to the male gaze or because it expresses some element of my aesthetic preferences? Do I blow dry my hair because in a white supremacist society straight hair has been historically valued above curly hair or do I blow dry my hair because it’s the quickest way for me to get ready in the morning? Do I wear heels because they get you closer to the tall, thin beauty ideal or do I wear heels because - well, I don’t wear heels anymore. They’re uncomfortable and I’m not going to be uncomfortable to be pleasing to someone else’s eye. Sometimes the answer’s not clear. The point is, *you* get to choose. You get to make those decisions, not the patriarchy.
How about you? How do you reconcile your desire to opt out of the beauty ideal while still putting in effort on certain aspects of your appearance? Or do you opt out entirely?
