clothes matter both a lot and not at all

This concept of both/and has been one of the few things I feel like I’ve actually learned in my 44 years on this spinning rock. Motherhood really kicked that into gear. I can want to stay home with my baby and also want to work. I can feel really ambitious and also not have the energy to act on my ambitions. I can both love my children dearly and lose my s#@% with them.

How can clothes matter both a lot and not at all? Well, sometimes I think clothes matter a lot. I want everyone to have the experience of feeling good in their clothes, of wearing an outfit that makes them feel good, that they feel themselves in. We have to get dressed every day and it’s something we do every day that can have an impact on our mood. In particular, if you’re wearing clothes that don’t fit, it can really make you feel terrible. It’s important.

Here’s where I might deviate from other “personal stylists”.

And also, clothes aren’t important at all. What if you’re wearing an outfit that isn’t the fullest embodiment of your personal style? What if you’re wearing something you don’t love? What happens then? Mostly, nothing, especially if we don’t make it mean something. It shouldn’t matter because our clothes don’t define us. Who we are as people isn’t determined by what we wear. It can’t be, because as we know there are many barriers to being able to show up as yourself in your clothes (cultural expectations, financial constraints, size accessibility). And so, clothes also aren’t that important.

Yes, we want to feel confident in our clothes and sometimes a specific outfit gives us that sense of safety and confidence. But should we feel bad about ourselves when we have a big day and our clothes aren’t giving us that security? No, in those cases, we have to remember that it’s the content of what we’re doing or who we are that’s really important.

So either way, you’re ok. If you enjoy the process of thinking about what you’re wearing, clothes may matter to you. If you don’t enjoy it, and prefer to think as little as possible about clothes, then they aren’t that important. And for some of us, some days clothes are important and some days they’re not.

P.S. Here’s a blog post I wrote about the evolution of my style over time and a few tips for how to separate from those external messages and identify your authentic personal style.